By Dr. Larry Banta
What happens if we don’t forgive? What happens if we don’t forgive and instead keep the anger and heartache inside, for years? In medical and psychiatric practice, we can see the results of this root of bitterness. For good reason Jesus often spoke of the need for forgiveness. It is fundamental in the Christian life.
We can be very thankful that He forgave us when we first came to the cross and accepted Him as our Savior. That is not the end but the beginning of a life of forgiveness. We live in a corrupt world and also have to deal with our own sinful nature.
He gave us a pattern for prayer early in His ministry, often called the Lord’s Prayer in Matthew 6:9-13: “This, then, is how you should pray: ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’ ”
This pattern for prayer includes forgiving others as we are also forgiven. That is not as easy as it sounds. Accepting His forgiveness may not be so difficult as forgiving others or even ourselves. That is often a challenge.
Several years ago, I came across a Christian psychology book from the 1950s. It was quite interesting and maybe a bit ahead of its time. It caught my attention concerning the concept of “frozen rage” and how it affected our body and mind. The issue of unforgiveness was not studied much back then. Since then, hundreds of academic studies have taken on this issue, publishing the results in popular press as well as in scientific journals. The effect of maintaining the anger toward someone who has wronged us has profound effects on our bodies, minds and souls. Letting go, forgiving, on the other hand, has great benefits for all three areas.
What does it do to the body? There are many medical conditions that are at least contributed to by this frozen rage. Some of the effects may include: peptic ulcer disease, headaches, some chronic pain conditions, inflammation of various types, decrease of immunity to certain viruses, and even errant cancer cells we would normally fight off.
In the mind, this frozen rage may leak out and result in fits of rage or anger in situations that do not require such a reaction. Some other effects may be mood swings, depressed mood, anxiety and panic attacks.
What are the effects on the soul? Spiritually we may experience difficulty drawing close to God. Worship is not as real. We may feel we are not heard in our prayers. We may stray away from our Christian friends and family. As it eats away at our soul, we may feel anger toward God for what, as a human, we feel is some great injustice. We might start to avoid church.
Isaiah 59:2 says, “It’s your sins that have cut you off from God. Because of your sins, he has turned away and will not listen anymore” (NLT).
Hanging on to resentments, anger? We may even unconsciously decide we are going to hold on to this anger and even feed it. We keep it at the forefront of our minds. Maybe the thought of revenge drives our life and gives us purpose – but not really a good purpose. Cherishing sin in our heart always hurts ourselves.
If I had cherished sin in my heart,
the Lord would not have listened;
but God has surely listened
and has heard my prayer.
– Psalm 66:18-19
I marvel at the situations that some are able to forgive. Some through the power of the Holy Spirit can even forgive the drunk driver that killed their loved one, a murderer that took a close family member. I cannot see that happening on a human level.
Having been involved in orphan care over the years, I have seen God work in wonderful ways. One such situation was a sibling group of six girls. When I met them, they ranged from about 6 to 15 years of age and had been living in the orphanage for a few years. They had a history of sexual abuse; and then one day, returning from the park, they found their mother had committed suicide.
Their frozen rage was leaking out in all kinds of behaviors. They were accusing others of things that were not happening, fighting with other girls, disobeying, talking back. Family group therapy was initiated to address the behaviors. The older sister was clearly in charge and had instructed the younger ones to never speak about the trauma in their lives.
Perceiving her own frozen rage due to her past trauma, the older sister finally was able to allow all of them to express their own emotions. Their anger and grief came flooding out as they spoke of the trauma. Though resolution took some time, this was a major breakthrough. During the next several years, I saw them gradually one by one come to Jesus and forgive their mom for what she did to them. They were able to grow into well-adjusted adults.
Okay, so now how do we forgive? It starts with a heart right with God.
1 John 3:19-20 reads, “This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.”
God is greater than our hearts. We take the place of God when we decide not to forgive ourselves and allow His healing to overcome us and change us.
If you are struggling in these areas there may be need for professional counseling to help.
How is your heart today? Are you holding a grudge or anger toward someone, toward yourself? Maybe it is time to give it over to God and allow His healing in your body, mind, and soul.
Dr. Larry Banta is an author of several books, a retired psychiatrist, and a former missionary. He served in India, Mexico and Kenya. He and his wife, Evelyn, a counselor, travel together to provide consultation and training in various international locations.
