By Gaye Bunderson
Shawn White serves as the Specialized Recruitment Services Administrator for Idaho Wednesday’s Child, an organization through Eastern Washington University that contracts with the Idaho Department of Health and Welfare in order to help Idaho foster children find permanent homes. White recently spoke to Christian Living Magazine to help explain “who the youth we serve really are” and to clear up some misconceptions and make people aware of the positives that children in foster care possess.
“Children in foster care are simply kids who’ve been through a lot of trauma, grief and loss in their young lives, through no fault of their own. Our program generally serves youth from the ages of 10-17, because most younger children in foster care either reunify with their parents or are adopted by relatives or their existing foster family. The younger kids we do serve through our program are usually part of a sibling group that needs to be adopted together,” White explained.
White feels strongly that, “Society can sometimes make false assumptions about children in care and far too often people have the mindset that these are bad kids – especially the teenagers, which couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s not the fault of the youth that we serve that they are in foster care.” The adults in their life who were tasked with nurturing and protecting them were either unable or unwilling to do so, causing the child to need to come into foster care. In the realm of boys versus girls, potential adoptive parents can tend to be more hesitant to consider adopting teenage boys. “More grace seems to be given to girls,” White said. “Teenage boys suffer the most from people’s misconceptions.” She feels that this may be because boys can tend to react to their hard emotions in a more outward way, whereas girls quite often internalize things, making some families mistakenly feel that it may be unsafe to have a teen boy in care in their home.
It’s not unusual for youth who have experienced complex trauma to struggle with guilt, anger, depression and anxiety. All children in care deal with the “big emotions” that come from trauma and hurt, and all children in care can recover and heal from their past. “Because these kids are in foster care, they can sometimes be viewed as something ‘less than” – another inaccuracy White hopes to dispel. Other misconceptions people sometimes have are that the kids won’t be a good influence on the younger kids in the family and would be too much work. But again, White is dogged in overturning this inaccurate view. One of the things she most wants people to know about the kids? “They’re worth the work and the effort; they’re worth going through the hard stuff.”
White – who has been a part of the program for many years – praises these youngsters for their positive attributes, which she believes are many. “One common trait among all of the youth we serve is their resilience,” White said. “They’re amazing! Imagine if any one of us had just been dropped into someone else’s home – even as an adult – and had to try to navigate fitting in, figuring out the family dynamics, and basically getting comfortable with strangers. It would be very difficult. These kids are so brave to allow us to feature who they are in such a public format in an effort to find a Forever Family for them.
“Some of the other most common traits we see among the kids we serve are that they’re funny, kind, intelligent, very empathetic, and animals lovers – because animals are comforting and very loyal. These kids need others around them who will encourage and nurture their dreams and goals. Many of the youth we serve already know what they want to be when they grow up and have high hopes for a bright future,” White said. Children in foster care just want someone to want them – they want families. They deeply want that family connection in their lives. And though they’ve been part of a family in their pasts, they’re now seeking the kind of family that gives them what they genuinely need in life: love, security, connection, and a future.
“I’ve never worked with a youth who didn’t want family in their life,” White stated. “All of these kids want normalcy; they dream of having a family that will be committed to them and won’t abandon them. They want things like family dinners, family game nights, parents who cheer for them at school or sporting events and will do homework with them. They crave normalcy.”
The effect of life-changing familial love for a young person is more than a one-and-done event. “When we find a match, people think, ‘That’s so great’, but finding a Forever Family for a child changes the trajectory for more than just that child. Finding safe and secure parents to emulate helps kids in care learn to be good parents themselves someday, which can then turn into infinite generational change. It’s really rewarding to hear those things.”
The young people in Wednesday’s Child need help beyond the age of 18. “The older teens are desperately approaching adulthood and need support. They need a family, just like everyone else does at any age or stage in life,” White said. The outcomes for kids who age out of foster care are not usually positive. They can experience domestic violence, unemployment, and other adverse experiences. “These teens want a family beyond the age of 18,” White explained. “They long to know that someone will be with them for a lifetime, to help them navigate jobs, relationships, school, finances and, someday, parenting. They also want a family who will be there to celebrate all of their milestones, successes, and life’s joyous moments with them.”
Families interested in providing foster care, or adopting from foster care, can find support and training available to them aimed at educating caregivers on how to parent kids who’ve come from hard places. “These kids need connection, even in matters of discipline, and you have to assure them, ‘I won’t ever leave you – even when your emotions are big’.”
Becoming well versed in understanding childhood trauma can greatly increase the odds of a successful foster care adoption.
She wanted people to know they can contact Wednesday’s Child and “ask questions, talk with us, discuss your fears.” People interested in finding out more about foster care adoption can attend a virtual info meeting that will address their questions, and can register online at www.idahowednesdayschild.org to participate. White stated “I’m always open as well to meeting folks for coffee or finding another time to talk by phone or virtually to provide the information, if someone cannot attend our monthly info meeting.”
She stated: “Our wish is that more people would be willing to open their hearts and minds to learning about the need for foster and adoptive families. It is so worth the challenges and hard work to help these deserving kids heal and learn that they are worthy of all the good things life has to offer, and to see them go on to lead amazing lives.”
For more information, visit the website or contact White at [email protected] or cell (208) 488-8989.
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