Raising Awesome Kids – Christian Mom Speaks From Experience

By Bethany Riehl 

After a hot and smoky summer, we have officially arrived in the ‘Ber months. Although history indicates that it will remain hot and smoky for at least a few more weeks, all things cozy are right around the corner. Can you believe it? 

I am both excited and hesitant to leave summer behind. It was a good one in the Riehl house. We didn’t do much in the way of activities; in fact, I don’t think we went to a swimming pool even once. There were adventures to be sure: camping, paddle boarding, a visit to see family in another state, and my first dip in Blue Heart Springs with some friends while the kids were at church camp. We ate our weight in watermelon, sweat profusely just going to the mailbox, and did our fair share of barbequing. I also, once again, tried and failed miserably, to garden. 

Mostly, I soaked in the days with my kids, wrought with nostalgia for summers gone by, appalled, as most parents are, by how fast it all went. I’m months away from having all teenagers in the house and I feel compelled to tell you, just in case you’re a young mom or dad that doesn’t yet know: you don’t have to be afraid of the teen years. 

I’m going to tell you why I feel confident that you can set yourself up for a pleasant life when that season hits, but first I need to say that everyone is different, and of course this article will be chock-full of nuance. Our experiences are all distinct and there’s no perfect formula to raising kids. I have failed many times and in many ways, believe me. I’m not going to tell you how to raise your kids. But I do want to give you some tips to enjoy your kids, which is something that (if social media is an accurate source) isn’t all that common these days. 

1. Take them with you as much as you can.

I love online grocery shopping, especially around the holidays. But when it first became a thing, they charged extra for it (remember that?). We were on a tight budget, so it wasn’t something I considered all that much. Years later, I’m actually grateful. The grocery store was my favorite “training” studio. There, my kids had to learn to walk with me, be patient, accept my answer when they asked if they could have candy, etc. If they caused a ruckus, we left and had a serious talk about it. For years, we would go to Hobby Lobby simply to look at things and learn how to behave in public. Same with the doctor, the dentist, the DMV…you get the idea. It’s a lot of work, but trust me, it’s worth the effort. 

2. Apologize.

Letting them know when you’ve been convicted of sin you’ve committed against them (yelling, getting distracted, embarrassing them, etc.) and apologizing is such a wonderful model of what it’s like to walk with Jesus. Practice humility in such a way that they can see that you’re striving to be more like Christ. “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). In a culture that values self over all, animals over people, and freedom over children, it’s important that we get this right. But also, be careful to show them that their feelings don’t dictate truth. There have been times that I’ve had a child embarrassed by something I did and I’ve had to tell them that I will always do my best to respect them and not humiliate them, but that I cannot and will not tiptoe around their pride. As I give them grace, I expect grace in return. 

3. Remember that God’s will for them is to obey you, and remind them, too.

There are numerous verses about children honoring their parents. As we teach them this, they are learning the practice of obeying God as adults. It’s our responsibility to care for them and this includes helping them to see that they are to “obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord” (Colossians 3:20). 

Of course, this also means we have the responsibility to be temperate and careful in what we call sin. I used to get irritated by sounds my kids would make – tapping, smacking food, silly noises, etc. Okay, if I’m being honest, I still tense up when my kids crack their knuckles. But, I realized one day that the way I was reacting to annoying noises was as if they were sinning, and of course they weren’t. My husband and I pulled back and tried to save discipline and correction for things we could support with Scripture. 

4. Listen.

My oldest is an open book. She likes to tell me allllll the things. And, let’s be real, our conversations weren’t always that exciting. “Tell me more about Paw Patrol…” 

But as she’s grown, I find her insight to be inspiring and encouraging. I love our late-night talks. My other kiddos are more quiet and need to be drawn out with outings alone where I need to either ask some questions to get them talking or be okay sitting in silence. Experience with the oldest tells me that the more I care about what they have to say, even about the little things, the more they’ll share the important stuff later on. One bonus to listening? They feel seen, cared for, and respected, and are more willing to listen to your advice knowing that it’s from love. 

5. Be an open house.

I love to have people in my home. It’s not big or fancy. We are mostly an “ingredient” kitchen, so I don’t always have ready-made snacks* but I try to say, “Yes” to requests for friends to come over as much as I can. Last spring some kids began to gather in our backyard after youth group. They would bring guitars and sit around the firepit singing and talking. Trying not to crash the party, my husband and I sat in the living room – blinds open – so we were close, but not helicopter close. One night, I attempted to casually open a window because I wanted to hear the music, but Mr. Riehl told me I was being a creeper and stopped me. Unfortunately, the kids caught me and we just stared at each other through the window in awkward freeze-stares until they invited me to join them. So maybe it was fortunate? Anyway, I was able to sit and listen and laugh (seriously, teens are so funny!)…until I pulled out a nostalgic story and they all went silent and stared at me. I saw myself out. 

My point is, though, my kids and their friends feel welcome here, and that’s golden in my book. 

6. Serve when they’re young, and then serve alongside them.

I remember years ago, I was volunteering at VBS and had a bit of a m-o-m-e-n-t in my heart when I was checking kids in for moms that told me they were off to have coffee with friends. I wanted to be a drop-off and get coffee mom just once, but I seemed to be stuck on the volunteer list. Although my kids no longer attend VBS, I’m still on that list. But here’s the thing – my kids are on the list now, too, and they absolutely love it. And not just VBS, they serve Sundays and mid-week services as well and relish it. I know this is overwhelmingly an act of God’s goodness and grace, but He led us to model service for them, and they caught on. Recently I joked that I was finished serving mid-week, and our kids made it known that they would just go without me. 

Please don’t take this as me saying that you need to serve in kids’ ministry. It’s not for everyone. But let them see you make church and serving the church, wherever that may be, a priority. It’s important, lasting work. 

If you’re really struggling in your relationship with your kids, let me encourage you to pray and to not give up hope. We serve the God of all hope who is able to raise the dead to life. He can restore your relationships as well, no matter how old your kids are. 

And lest you think I’m sitting here telling you how “accomplished” I am as a mother, can I share with you what I’m still working on? 

I need to let my daughter who loves to cook, COOK, and not be so controlling. 

I need to be in prayer much, much more for my children. 

I need to be better at showing interests in their hobbies and helping them to have more access to ways to grow in them. 

We need to watch less TV, and be in the Word together more. 

I need more patience. Less reliance on myself and more on Him. 

But in all these failures, I have this hope – I will never, ever be their Savior. They have a Father that is perfect in every way, and He is “gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love” (Psalm 145:8). 

So do I; and if you belong to Christ, so do you. So work hard, run the race, with and for your children, and know that Jesus has already transferred His righteousness to your account. Rest in that as you run, dear reader. 

 

*One of my favorite quick snacks to make for kids is kettle corn. It comes together easily and is always a win. 

Kettle Corn 

¼ cup coconut oil 

¼ cup sugar 

½ cup popcorn 

Salt to taste 

Directions 

Heat the oil in a large pot (over medium heat) with 3 kernels of corn. When all three pop, it’s ready. Pour in the sugar and remaining kernels together and give a quick stir and place lid on the pot. Shake the pot vigorously up and down, side to side, until there are a few seconds between pops. Pour into bowl (careful! It hurts if any sugary kernels get on your arms), salt, and stir with a butter knife. Immediately place pot in sink and fill with water, to keep the sugar from sticking. 

Bethany Riehl lives in the Treasure Valley with her husband, three kids, and one super chill dog. She writes articles and fictional novels when she can, and her one desire is to point others to the love and sufficiency of Jesus Christ.