“I Get To!”® – Maintain Your Focus on Faithfulness 

By Joan Endicott 

On the first day of a marriage retreat, the speaker emphasized the importance of knowing what matters to each other. He pointed to a gentleman and asked, “For example, do you know your wife’s favorite flower?” With the enthusiasm of an 8-year-old answering a pop quiz, the husband proudly shouted, “Why, yes, I do!…Pillsbury All-Purpose!” The room erupted in laughter! And that’s perfect—since laughter is an essential ingredient in life and marriage. 

Mark and I laugh a lot together every day—and the older we get, the more we have to laugh about! Our shared humor was one of the many things that initially attracted us to one another. As I write this, we’re celebrating our 45th Valentine’s Day as sweethearts. I love reminiscing about that first significant occasion—our very first Valentine’s Day. We had both gone to classes all day, and then I went to work, so it was later in the evening when we finally had the opportunity to declare our love and admiration (very Valentine-poetic, right?) for each other and exchange cards and gifts. 

Before I share what Mark gave me, it’s important to know a little backstory. We weren’t talking marriage yet, but I had some friends from church who were jewelers, and I’d been learning a lot about the 4 C’s (cut, color, clarity, and carat) of diamonds. In casual conversations about my diamond discoveries, I mentioned to Mark that someday I wanted a 1-carat diamond. 

So, when I opened the small jewelry-sized black velvet box, I was overjoyed—and immediately overcome with laughter when I saw the tiny tip of a fresh carrot! Fortunately (for him), the carrot sat atop some lovely gold earrings. And I really don’t want to come across as bragging, prideful or puffed up, but I’m happy to say that 45 years later, those earrings still fit me! (It’s possible Mark was subconsciously managing my expectations, knowing his future salary as a schoolteacher and coach!) 

Just as we’ve asked those married longer than us, “What’s the key to enjoying a happy, healthy marriage?” we’re asked the same and get the opportunity to share our answer—whether at a marriage event or with the waitstaff at a restaurant. When we see someone who seems successful in a specific area, we all want to know their secret ingredients. That’s healthy. That’s wisdom. Scripture affirms the wisdom, benefit, and blessing of having a multitude of counselors—and also warns the prideful, haughty, and know-it-all fools who reap conflict, strife, and destruction when wisdom is not sought. Proverbs 11:14 (Amplified) reminds us: “Where there is no [wise, intelligent] guidance, the people fall [and go off course like a ship without a helm], but in the abundance of [wise and godly] counselors, there is victory.” 

Listen, friend, this isn’t a finger-pointing, dart-throwing comment. I’ve been there more times than I’d like to admit when I thought I knew everything, only to discover I knew nothing! If I could go back to my younger years, I would very purposefully change that. At this age and stage of life, though, I want to continue to learn the value of being quick to listen and slow to speak whenever I have the irreplaceable opportunity to absorb insights and wisdom from older, wiser—and sometimes younger, wiser—people. It all depends on the depth of one’s knowledge and life experience. With younger/wiser, technology immediately comes to mind. LOL! 

So, how do Mark and I answer the question when people ask about the secret to a happy, healthy marriage? Similar to how those wise mentors answer: 

1. It starts with a shared faith. A strong foundation is paramount. The Bible implores us not to be unequally yoked, and nowhere is this more important than in a marriage relationship. It’s the foundation on which everything else is built. Anything built on a shaky, unstable foundation cannot last. As Bible-believing, Jesus-loving Christians, Mark and I shared core values, priorities, and a life mission.
2. Faithful to God. Faithfulness to God influences our faithfulness in every area of life. Our love, commitment, and conviction in keeping the Lord first in our lives as individuals determine how we live in all our roles, responsibilities, and relationships. Decision-making is increasingly easier when values are clear.
3. Faithful to one another in all areas of life. Often, when one thinks of faithfulness, the physical aspect comes to mind. That’s where it may ultimately manifest, but unfaithfulness starts in the heart and mind long before the physical act of adultery defiles the marriage bed. “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” —Matthew 5:27-28

Mental and emotional unfaithfulness is equally destructive. I’ve experienced firsthand the devastation of relationships when a woman walks into the world of fantasy. Feeding fantasies about being in different places with different people, marinating the mind in vain imaginations with “what if” and “if only” scenarios is not only dangerous and destructive to the mate but to everyone involved. I know—my mom did that. 

FAITHFUL 

The term faithful can be defined as demonstrating strong loyalty and steadfastness, especially in relationships or commitments. It implies being reliable, trustworthy, and true to one’s word. For instance, a faithful friend is someone who consistently supports and stands by you, no matter the circumstances. Similarly, a faithful partner in a relationship remains loyal and committed. The concept can also extend to beliefs or causes, where being faithful means adhering to and upholding one’s convictions or principles without wavering. 

7 virtues that stem from being faithful: 

1. Trustworthiness – Being reliable and dependable, earning the confidence of others
2. Loyalty – Maintaining steadfast devotion and support in relationships and commitments
3. Integrity – Adhering to moral and ethical principles, ensuring honesty and uprightness
4. Perseverance – Demonstrating persistence and determination to stay committed despite challenges
5. Responsibility – Taking ownership of one’s duties and actions, showing accountability
6. Patience – Exhibiting endurance and calmness in the face of difficulties and delays
7. Humility – Recognizing one’s dependence upon God and others, fostering a spirit of gratitude

SO, WHY DOES IT MATTER? 

I remember Zig Ziglar, in his later years, offering an emotional challenge as he shared the benefits of working through the tumultuous times in marriage. He reminded the audience that our choices forever affect more people than we realize: our partner, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and generations to come—not to mention the countless others impacted by one couple’s commitment. Zig added, “Will you look back on life and say, ‘I wish I had’ or ‘I’m glad I did’?” 

Isn’t that a powerful question and perspective? It’s a matter of looking beyond our current struggles to where we want to be eventually while simultaneously renewing our original vows. We continue to witness the crisis of unfaithfulness, and our hearts break for all who thought they were getting a faithful mate but didn’t. Such indescribable grief for so many. I know my mom had hurts and heartaches that no one knew about. I also believe that, if given the opportunity, she would have made very different faith-filled decisions. When facing death, what and who matters in life becomes crystal clear. Those who’ve weathered the storms and stayed the course will tell you: Don’t drift. Stay anchored. It’s worth it! 

Men, I want to tell you something very personal from my wounded, 5-year-old little girl heart because that’s the only heart I know. The physical and sexual abuse I experienced from boys and men traumatized me—they took things from me because of their sick, selfish, uncontrolled flesh. Please, never believe the devil’s destructive dialogue telling you that what you do behind closed doors isn’t hurting anyone else. That is a lie from the pit of hell! Just as David, thinking what he did was in secret, eventually confessed to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord,” acknowledging his wrongdoing, not just against Bathsheba and Uriah, but primarily against God. God forgave him, yes, but he still faced the consequences of his sin, which included the devastation of his baby’s death. Compromise is never worth the price it demands. Ever. If you need help, get it. Now! 

God has used my Mark in immeasurable ways to help heal my little girl heart. Because of how he demonstrated faithfulness in his relationship to Christ before we were married, I had full confidence in his faithfulness to me in marriage—and still do. He continues to keep his heart faithful to Christ first. Like all choices, faithfulness isn’t a one-and-done deal. It’s choosing moment by moment, again and again, over and over, millions of times. Continued clarity of conviction is the critical component. We all need God’s supernatural power continually pouring over us. It is foolish futility to try fighting spiritual battles with fleshly efforts. We must continually rely on the Holy Spirit—our Comforter, Counselor, Advocate, and Guide—to win the wars within. 

God, the Creator of heaven and earth, the One who gave us life, also gifted us the institution of marriage. In His grace and mercy, His Word is a guidebook, an owner’s manual for how to live our lives—in abundance. I have come that they may have life and have it to the full. —John 10:10 

While knowing what matters to your mate is important—like what your wife’s favorite flower or flour is—nothing matters more than knowing you are their one and only, the one they are fully faithful to. 

A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold. —Proverbs 22:1 

Enjoy your FREE copy of Joan Endicott’s “I Get To!”® book at www.JoanEndicott.com. Also, be one of the first to get her 2nd book,“I Get To!”® Own My Worth! Joan is an Award-Winning Keynote Speaker, Author and Coach whose coaching has reached over 30 countries. Find out more about her speaking and coaching here: www.JoanEndicott.com