Encouraging Words – It’s Hard – But Powerful – To Forgive 

By Daniel Bobinski 

Let’s be honest. When you’ve been deeply hurt, slandered, or treated unjustly by someone, the last thing you want to do is pray for that person’s well-being. For me, if I let my human desires take over, my first instinct is vindication. I may even want that person to suffer for the pain they caused me. 

This can be especially tempting if I hold information that could ruin that person. If I’m operating only with my earthly nature, the temptation to use that information – to exact revenge for the pain inflicted on me – can be overwhelming. Yet, Scripture commands a different response: “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing” (see 1 Peter 3:9). 

We also have the words from Jesus Himself. In Matthew 5:44, He couldn’t be more clear: “Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.” 

What we’re talking about here is forgiveness, and Jesus didn’t just suggest it, He mandated it. In fact, when asked how many time we should forgive, Jesus said, “Seventy times seven” (see Matthew 18:22). 

I don’t believe for a moment that Jesus meant we can stop forgiving after we’ve done it 490 times. I believe He was saying we need to keep forgiving. After all, in Matthew 6 Jesus again was quite clear: “If you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive other people when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will not forgive your sins” (vs. 14 and 15). 

The Challenge of Forgiveness: I once spoke with a woman who was treated most unfairly at work. Punishments were being handed down for something that went wrong, and this woman found herself among several who were wrongly accused. After the manager would not listen to reason, this woman’s first reaction was anger and resentment. She wanted justice. But as she wrestled with these emotions, God impressed upon her heart a simple command: forgive and bless. 

She didn’t want to do it, but through gritted teeth she obeyed and prayed. And the more she forgave and blessed the person who wronged her, the more her bitterness lifted. Anger dissipated, her heart softened, and before long, she genuinely wanted the best for her manager. 

In that newfound peace, she felt in tune with God. She said it was like she was walking in perfect step with the Holy Spirit. So she kept the attitude of forgiveness and she continued to pray blessings on her manager. And, after a while, the woman’s integrity was noticed and she received a promotion. 

Why We Struggle to Love Others: As humans, we rarely see the spiritual battles around us. When we’re hurt, the enemy often whispers, “You have every right to be angry. You deserve justice!” 

What that enemy won’t tell you is that when we refuse to forgive, we chain ourselves to the pain. In truth, we have a choice. We can cling to resentment or walk in freedom. 

Another reason I think we struggle to love others is because we can’t love like God does. The Bible says our human righteousness is as “filthy rags” (Isaiah 64:6), meaning even our best efforts fall short. So how can we love as God commands us? We can’t. At least, not alone. Only God’s love flowing through us makes true love and forgiveness possible. 

That said, the truth is we all carry wounds from the past, and if left unhealed, these wounds shape how we interact with others. In other words, fear, rejection, or betrayal cause us to inadvertently project pain onto those around us. This is true of us as well as the people who hurt us. 

The Prayer That Frees You: So what’s the solution? Simply stated, take it to God. We need healing, and so do the people who hurt us. For ourselves, we can ask God to reveal the fears that are shaping our actions and reactions. This process can be difficult, because acknowledging past wounds often brings back pain, but it’s necessary. Our healing begins when we invite God into those broken places. 

One of the most impactful prayers I’ve prayed was asking God to remove the bitterness that had taken root in me. Some of it started growing in childhood, and other roots were growing from recent wounds. But the writer of Hebrews tells us, “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitterness grows up to cause trouble and defile many” (Hebrews 12:15). 

With that, I prayed, “Lord, I pull out these roots of bitterness from my heart and I nail them to the cross. Burn them with Your holy fire. Wash the ashes away with Your blood. And also, because those roots caused cracks in my heart, I ask You to fill those cracks with your bold, healing blood.” 

Then comes the hard part – obeying Matthew 5:44. We pray for those who’ve wronged us. We ask God to bless and heal them, just as He heals us. 

Is it easy? Not always, but with each prayer it gets easier. At first, they might be just words for me, but in time, those words move from my head to my heart. 

In time, as I forgive and bless those who hurt me, the desire for revenge goes away and it’s replaced by God’s peace. 

It works. Try it. 

Daniel Bobinski, Th.D., is an award-winning and best-selling author and a popular speaker at conferences and retreats. Reach him at [email protected] or (208) 649-6400.