By Leo Hellyer
Guess what, men? A season of change is upon us. The beautiful green leaves on the trees are going to change color and fall off the trees. The weather is going to feel brisker. We are going to see more Christmas items in the stores. Just as God gave us different seasons in our natural environment, He gave us different seasons in our human existence.
This edition of Real Man’s Toolbox is going to provide you with some extremely valuable tools that you will be very happy to have when you experience an event you’ll need them for. I am currently going through a season of my life where I am using these tools to process my way through.
On December 28, 1972, I married my beautiful, loving, caring, understanding, forgiving, 18-year-old wife. On July 11, 2026, my wife of 53 years and 195 days entered a new season of her life: she entered her eternal life and is now living in the presence of God Almighty. She has finished this marathon of life, and now she is receiving her reward. I am so overjoyed for her. She now has a new body that does everything she wants it to. She is now with God, her family, friends, and students who preceded her in death. I am sure she is grinning from ear to ear.
This change of season has not been as joyful, however, for her friends, daughters, grandchildren – and myself. As a family we were somewhat joking and saying that when you are younger you have family reunions around weddings, and when you are older you have family reunions around funerals. Which is true.
As with all seasons of life – in fact, all events of life – if we will take the time to look, there is Scripture available to guide us through each and every challenge that we experience. My wife, Norma’s, Life Verse (which I like so much it has become my Life Verse) is Philippians 1:6.
“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Men of God, if you find yourself in the position where I find myself – concerned about all the rough edges, the shortcomings, the failures – remember Philippians 1:6. God will be perfecting us, until He calls us home. Yes, we have a responsibility to do our best on our journey, but He is right there with us, perfecting us, every step of the way.
The other main Scripture, among many more, that we need to search out and apply to our lives during difficult seasons is Ecclesiastes 4:12.
“And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.”
Christian men, even though we have a God-given responsibility to lead, remember, we do not have to do so in a vacuum. We do not have to do that alone. To be as successful as we can, we need to have a rope of many strands. Each of us needs to have a collection of different men we can call upon when we are facing challenges. If we will take the time to think, most of us have a collection of acquaintances, friends, relatives, co-workers, bosses, Christian men in leadership, and pastors, at our access.
Pride, when exercised properly, is a great trait that can build motivation. But we cannot be so proud that we feel we must handle everything on our own. Most of the time, this type of pride leads to stress, anxiety, health challenges, broken men, and damaged relationships. By the grace of God, I had some forceful men in my life (and a few appropriate, caring women) who called my bluff and made it clear that I needed to accept help from others.
I am hard-headed, but I do have some valuable lessons learned through the passing of my lovely bride. None of us knows when our last moment on earth will be. Take advantage of every moment you have with people you care about.
Is there someone in your life that you have thought, “I really need to get in touch with …”? If so, quit thinking about it. Do it! If you have someone in your life who is approaching the end of their season here on earth, take time to be with them. Time is precious. They will appreciate as much time as you can spend with them. Reminisce with them about the good times. Pick the right times to have the difficult discussions as well. Make amends, if that is needed. Don’t get to the end of someone’s journey and think, “Oh, I wish I had asked about…” or “I wish I had said…”
The last few days with my precious Norma, we covered a lot of ground – we talked together, we laughed together, and we cried together. Do not overlook the importance of having close friends of your loved one come and see them near the end. This more than likely will result in needed closure for your loved one, and a smoother journey into God’s arms.
Men, stay close to God, know who the foundational men (and women) are in your life. Be humble, accept and reach out to others, and build a strong rope to face those huge challenges.
I dedicate this column to my lovely bride of 53 years and 195 days, Norma Willis-Hellyer. Thank you, God, for bringing Norma into my life.
Leo is a widower who was married to his wife Norma for 53 years, and who has served with Boise Rescue Mission for over 26 years.
