By Gary Moore
As unique as it felt when my wife and I fell in love, men and women had been experiencing the same emotions for centuries before us. When we said, “I do,” we entered an institution created long before we were born.
Each marriage is unique. Thus, each husband and wife must find their unique way of expressing the marriage covenant. According to Kevin Thompson, author of “Friends, Partners, and Lovers”, the first step to a healthy marriage is discovering the original design of the relationship.
In Genesis 2, God created marriage. And marriage is no different than other things God created. When God creates something, he also establishes the rules for making that creation work.
The Garden of Eden was perfect. Sin had not yet entered the world and humanity had yet to experience shame. It was into that environment that God created humans and designed them to need one another. Carefully reading the Genesis 2 story, it is clear that man and woman are to play three distinct roles within their relationship.
All the animals and Adam were created from the dust of the ground. I call it “the dirt design”.
Everything was working well. Adam was assigned the job of working the garden and taking care of it. Along with that task, he was also assigned the job of naming all the animals. As God watched Adam work, he concluded that Adam needed a “suitable helper”. You would think that God would use the proven “dirt design” to make Adam a helper – but he did not.
Instead, God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep. He then removed one of his ribs and created a “suitable helper” for him. Why didn’t God use the “dirt design”? I think it was so that Adam and Eve could enjoy a relationship that no other part of creation could enjoy. They were the only part of creation that could say, “This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh”. Eve was a suitable fit for Adam. She could be something for Adam that nothing else could. By sharing his humanity, Eve could be a friend. She could give him a sense of companionship that no other creature could.
Eve brought a unique equality to the relationship. Adam and Eve were different, yet the same. They had compatible strengths while sharing a common humanity. Theirs could be a friendship like no other.
Adam and Eve’s companionship was meaningful in and of itself, but it also served another purpose. They were given a task. They were not just placed in the garden to exist; they were called to be caretakers of the garden. They were to function as partners. They would work together using their God-given talents to steward what God had created. Their partnership was unique, and their success was dependent on their ability to work together.
Genesis 2 ends with: “The man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed” (v.25). This physical condition served as a window into their emotional and spiritual connection. There was no division between the two, no sense of shame, no break in their intimacy. There was never a time that Adam thought, “I wonder what she really meant”. They had perfect communication. Their differences were not hidden but were fully exposed and celebrated. This shows the third role that Adam and Eve were to play for one another – lovers.
When God created Eve, he gave Adam a friend, partner, and lover all wrapped up in one person. Each role was not played in isolation but instead complemented the others. Friendship brought trust and understanding. Partnership brought meaning and fulfillment. Being a lover brought intimacy and connection.
This was God’s design in creation. It was how things were before sin entered the world. This was marriage before the leaves. Yet when sin came, so did shame. Trust was lost. Working together became more difficult. Intimacy was shattered. As Adam and Eve adorned leaves to cover their shame, what had been created to be easy became difficult.
After the leaves, shame, blame, and insecurity were natural aspects of marriage. What was meant to come naturally now must be discovered, learned, and fought for. Before sin, the first marriage needed no intention because Adam and Eve would function within their appropriate roles without thought. But after the leaves, everything changed.
Sin radically changed marriage, but it did not transform its basic design. It made marriage more difficult. It eliminated the guarantee of success. It ensured that even the best marriage would have moments of disappointment and seasons of struggle.
What changed was not the design but the effort it would take to live out the design.
We live after the leaves.
Gary Moore served as associate pastor at Cloverdale Church of God for 15 years. He does couples’ coaching and leads couples’ workshops and retreats called MUM’s the Word. He has a weekly radio program – Life Point Plus – on KSPD 94.5FM at 8:45 a.m. on Fridays. His website at www.mutualunderstanding.net has video teachings and other resources for couples. He may be contacted at glmoore113@gmail.com.
