Denise and Alan Jackson - Fighting for Love in a Fairy Tale World

Denise and Alan Jackson-
Fighting for Love in a Fairy Tale World
By: Emily Grace Ballard

Once Upon A Time

Although they had both grown up in the quaint town of Newnan, GA, Denise and Alan Jackson didn't officially meet until a Sunday night in the summertime when a group of teenagers from town went to Dairy Queen for ice cream after their evening church services. While everyone was laughing and having a good time, tall, lanky Alan was eying the blond-haired, green-eyed girl at the table beside him. He approached 16-year-old Denise and the two chatted for awhile. After everyone had said their goodbyes and gotten into their cars, Denise opened her car door, cranked the engine and pulled out of the parking lot. Suddenly, a rustling sound came from the back seat, and up popped Alan. Denise was so scared she almost drove off the road.
A few months later, the two ran into each other again while they were both out on separate dates. A guy like Alan didn't particularly impress Denise, but when he asked her if she wanted to take a ride in his 1955 Thunderbird convertible, she agreed. After the ride, the two returned to their respective dates, but something in Denise's mind had changed. The next time Alan called to ask her out, she said "yes." For their first date, they drove to a movie theatre in Atlanta and after the movie went to Steak ‘n Shake for burgers, fries and milkshakes.
Denise and Alan dated off and on throughout high school. People in town said the young lovers looked like a dream couple. On Christmas Eve of Denise's freshmen year of college, the couple got engaged and married the following year when Denise was 19, and Alan was 21.

In the Real World

Denise finished college then taught second and third grade at the same school she had attended as a girl. Alan dropped out of college, and to support them sold cars, built homes, did carpentry and drove a forklift at the K-Mart warehouse. In 1985, Denise quit teaching and attended flight training in Greensboro, North Carolina. Little did she know how far her job as a flight attendant would take her.
One day after she completed her training and was flying regular routes, she approached the boarding gate in the Atlanta airport and recognized country superstar, Glen Campbell, who was standing with his tour manager and band. Denise realized that this was her chance and put aside her fears of approaching a celebrity. She told Mr. Campbell that her husband wanted to get into the country music business and how he stayed up late with his guitar, writing songs. After her brief conversation with Glen Campbell, Denise left with a business card and a ticket to Nashville.
Two weeks later, Marty Gamblin, the head of Glen Campbell's music publishing company, agreed to help Alan and act as his manager. Denise and Alan packed up their U-Haul and moved to Music City to pursue Alan's dream. Denise continued to work as a flight attendant while Alan paid his dues playing gigs and writing music.

Faith Becomes Reality

Denise had been raised in a godly home and had attended church every Sunday and Wednesday. However, after Denise and Alan moved to Nashville in 1985, they didn't attend church for 10 years. Trying to get a record deal and make ends meet, they became distracted and failed to make time for their faith.
"I kind of moved away from my spiritual roots for many years," Denise confesses. "It really wasn't until my brother's suicide in ‘94 that everything came crashing down on me, and I began to think about what life really was about and what was important."
The day before Denise's 34th birthday, she received a call telling her that her older brother, Ronald, had killed himself. Denise was shocked. Ron's life had appeared fine on the surface; no one knew the emotional pain and deeper issues he faced inside. The family sought healing during this tragic time, but Denise questioned life, God, Heaven and salvation.
"I began to realize that our oldest child was four years old, and she wasn't in church. She needed to be in Sunday school. That really brought to my attention the need and the importance of a spiritual walk," Denise admits.
After Ron's death, Denise returned to church, began reading the Word and joined a prayer group. For the next three years, Denise put more emphasis on her spiritual walk and began rebuilding her foundation on God's Truth, but things weren't good with her marriage.

Losing Her Prince

Alan had periodically questioned their marriage. They had married so young, and he wondered if they were really best for each other. Before Thanksgiving in 1997, Alan approached Denise and told her that he just couldn't go the way things were. He told her he would stick around for Christmas, but after that they needed to separate. After almost 18 years of marriage, Denise lost the only man she had ever loved.
"Up until that point, Alan had been my everything. My whole world had revolved around him," Denise admits. "It was all about him. It took that separation for me to really call out and find the One who would never leave me."
Denise attempted to continue life as usual with her three young children, but deep down she was overwhelmed by desperation and misery. She turned to the women in her prayer group for strength and support.
"It's funny how you can look back at your life and see how God placed people there for different times and seasons," she says. "We started that prayer group in 1995, so I had had two years to be with these women, to grow to love them, to feel comfortable with them and to bond with them. They were my source of strength. I knew that I could just come in there, and they would love me, support me and lift me up. I knew that every one of them was praying for God to restore our relationship and for Alan's heart to change. I honestly don't know what I would have done had I not had them during that time. "

Finding Her True Love

During that time, Denise experienced the toughest, yet most rewarding time she would go through. She realized there were issues within her heart and in her relationship with Alan that needed to change. After many tears and relentless prayers, the Lord opened Denise's eyes to the work He was doing in her.
"In losing Alan, I became the person that God wanted me to be-the person I needed to be for our marriage to be healthy," Denise says. "We tend to give ourselves over to our husbands in an unhealthy way, and we lose who we are-that our identity really is in Christ, not in our husbands, in what they accomplish and in what they do."
Since the beginning of their relationship, Alan had been Denise's everything. He was her foundation, and she had built her life around him. When disaster struck, it was Alan she clung to. After he was gone, Denise began to see the harmful direction their relationship had taken.
"We were teenagers when we started dating, and we were 19 and 21 when we got married. So from the very beginning, we had this unhealthy way of relating to each other, I was the needy, dependent one, and he was the strong and confident, almost controlling one because I allowed him to be that way," Denise admits. "It wasn't that we were unhappy for all those years; we really loved each other, and we both really wanted to be married. But deep down, I did know in my heart that this wasn't really how it was supposed to be. The relationship needed to be based on love and respect, not neediness and dependency."
After months of praying for Alan's return, Denise shifted her focus and began to pray that God would make her the woman He had called her to be. After a life of trying to be good enough and look pretty enough, Denise was able to admit her weaknesses and embrace Jesus as the One who would love her no matter what. She recognized that He had uniquely created her and that He was the one who was ultimately in control of her life.
After dropping the kids off for school one morning, Denise cried out to the Lord in desperation, "Lord, you know what? It's in your hands. I'm tired of trying to get him to come back. I'm tired."
For the first time in her life, Denise surrendered to the Lord and chose to trust Him no matter what. She sobbed as she drove home to her empty mansion, but through the tears and pain, she sensed a quiet strength and peace in her heart.

Happily Ever After

One day Alan came by the house to pick up something. Denise was on the floor in the kitchen, playing with her youngest daughter. She barely realized that Alan was standing at the door watching her. The next day, Alan called Denise and said he'd noticed something different about her. He said she had a warm glow all around her. He asked her if they could go out for a date the next weekend.
"It was really at that point when he noticed a difference in me," Denise says. "He saw that I was going on with my life and that I was stronger. I had this new confidence, and that was appealing to him. "I think it was God's strength that was causing me to have those qualities again that he remembered seeing as a teenager and liked. I think that he began to see those things in me, like the Fruit of the Spirit. He just began to see this different person, and it was because God was really consuming me again."
Though emotional and awkward, Denise and Alan's second "first date" ended with a sincere desire and commitment from both of them to rebuild their marriage.
"I knew that in order for my marriage to survive, I had to forgive the infidelity that Alan had confessed to me during our separation," Denise admits. "I was just as hurt, and mad and angry as any spouse who has been betrayed, but I prayed that God would soften my heart so that through His strength I could forgive Alan."
The two sought counsel and began putting the pieces of their marriage back together. Denise was more confident of herself and her identity in the Lord, and Alan was recommitted and ready to make their relationship the priority that it needed to be.
"I think Alan realized that he almost gave up his family," Denise says. "I think he is so grateful now, that he just shows me every day. He is grateful in his words and in the things he does. It's just a totally different marriage. It's evidence of God's grace towards us, because we could have never gotten to that point by ourselves."
Although their lives are busy, Denise and Alan make their relationship a priority. The two try to spend quality time together by having one night a week that's a date night. Whether it's sitting on the porch to talk for 10 minutes or going out to a movie, they've learned the importance of staying connected.
"Relationships are worth fighting for. We can forgive, and our relationships can be restored," Denise says. "In a way, our little, tiny, small story is a reflection of God's bigger story of forgiveness. In reality, probably the biggest message of our story is that it reflects God's willingness to forgive us so that we can be in relationship with Him."

Denise and Alan Jackson live in Franklin, TN with their three daughters, Mattie (17), Ali (14) and Dani (10).

For appearances, signings, media events or to order Denise's book, It's All About Him, please visit www.itsallabouthim.net or www.alanjackson.com